would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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