just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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