Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
