Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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