I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
