So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
