girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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