the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so much tequila, so little girl.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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