Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
