I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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