We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize