i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
