I wish I only lived at night.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
