Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize