I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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