Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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