we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
