How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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