I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
