Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
