i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
