Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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