I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
