Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
