I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is Oprah even human
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
