it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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