I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
