your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
