i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Text me some of your sweat
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
