So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
