i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
