How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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