would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
