Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's just like the Real World with babies
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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