I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
please come you make the beer taste better
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
