Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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