Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
