Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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