i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
