I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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