i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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