I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
