Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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