Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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