Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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