there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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