Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
