I hate your face
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
