1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
