i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
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