Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize