I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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