when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
