My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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