is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
