from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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