The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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