umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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