Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
