Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
