Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
