What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
