you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
