I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
