At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
