Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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