if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
