On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
