I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
