Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
