So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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