I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
