I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
