did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
