My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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