Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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