Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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