she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
