Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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