Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
