I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
