Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
