at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
