It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
