I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize