From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
